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Recently, I have discovered that using the term unpack when having a conversation with someone does not reference the actual taking out and putting away of the clothing and toiletries I took with me on a recent trip. A literal definition of the word unpack classifies the word as a verb, meaning to remove the contents of… SOMETHING. However, in considering a more concise definition of the word unpack, it can also be described as a verb meaning unburden or, in an even more complex singular word definition, meaning reveal.
In my rather historic and consistent use of the word unpack, I do not consider that I am unburdening my suitcase when I remove its contents. It is, after all, a suitcase which is designed for the purpose of effectively transporting whatever contents I place in it. And when the suitcase is finished its transportation containment duties, if it could talk, I’m guessing it would say “thank you for choosing me to accompany you and please choose me to accompany you again the next time you go somewhere.”
Similarly, when I unpack a bag filled with groceries, I am not actively working toward revealing the bottom of the bag, I am simply REMOVING ITS CONTENTS. However, as previously mentioned, my somewhat historic definition and use of the word unpack differs from how it is used today as most people consider the term unpacking in reference to … an unburdening of feelings or a revealing of emotions.
Last week I watched a celebrity interview wherein the interviewer referenced some major topic around the actor’s life, like a recent divorce from his wife of several decades due to his infidelity and secret love child (or something like that), and then said, “Okay. We have a lot to unpack here…” Ummmmm… I’d say! Regardless of which unpacking definition the interviewer is considering, how can you effectively remove all the emotions of this situation to unburden the interviewee from his emotional baggage so that he reveals his deepest and most exposed feelings within the short time frame available before the next commercial break? I think you can’t. Likewise, when I asked a friend how she was coping with her child’s college search, she responded “Oh. We have a lot to unpack there”, leaving me feeling perplexed about what it is, exactly, that we just packed up?
I unpack things, not feelings. I like to talk about my feelings but not in a manner of needing to efficiently put them away, one at a time, so that each one of my thoughts and emotions is addressed, leaving me feeling unburdened and fully revealed.
Feelings are messy and often jumbled together making them challenging to distinguish between one over another. Sometimes, in a moment, I feel anxious about an experience but yet, when I talk about it at a later time (i.e. “unpack”), I have happiness and pride. It can be confusing to know exactly which shelf these feelings belong on. In the end, for me, unpacking feelings feels a little superficial and too mechanical AS IF I can grab a whole pile of my stress and angst and dump it on the floor of the laundry room, close the door and “wash” it later…
Empty! Empty!
Kathy Naumann, possessor of NATURALLY curly hair and the understanding that you can’t control everything!
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